Lauren met me for lunch, just to check in. You know, the usual: College, jobs, family. Eventually, the inevitable came up (it always does). B-O-Y-S. She told me about a new guy. Hmm. He had to be better than the old one. (I didn’t say this out loud, but I thought it. You’d think so too, believe me.)
She promised I’d approve of Daniel: He loves the Lord, pursues Him even. Daniel is trustworthy, hardworking, respectful, and kind. He’s funny and athletic. And while looks aren’t everything, she showed me a picture—Gotta say, he’s pretty cute. The more we talked, the better he sounded. Finally I gushed, “Lauren! Daniel is perfect! Aren’t you excited?” Crickets.
Turns out, Lauren isn’t excited at all, even though Daniel fits every item on her list. In fact, I’ve joined her in prayer for a year—a YEAR—asking God that when the time comes, she’ll meet a guy whose passion for Jesus matches hers. (Oh, I forgot to mention that Daniel leads a Bible study in his dorm and is planning a mission trip to Mexico. He recently led two friends to the Lord. (Hello? Lauren? Not excited? Are you kidding me?)
Now, I know some of you are waiting for a Daniel in your own backyards. If so, praise God for high standards and patience! And you think Lauren is nuts. You’re also thinking about messaging me later for Daniel’s contact info. Don’t blame you a bit, but sorry, no can do. 🙂
Here is Lauren’s confusion: She’s mistaking low maintenance for boring. The other guy—the one she clung to while I rolled my eyes—caused tears, upset stomachs, shouting matches, betrayal. (Adrenaline rushes, for sure.) Then flowers and kisses made it better. Repeat three times a month, and you get the idea. Exciting? A perverted version, maybe. Healthy? Not even close.
With Daniel, though, there’s no drama. For example, he’s never jealous: “Why should I be jealous?” he asks. “I trust you completely.” Daniel’s not controlling: “You have a life, and I respect that.” And there’s almost no fighting. Almost. Once Lauren started an argument, for, well, no good reason. Daniel didn’t bite. Instead he said, “This isn’t right. Let’s talk it out tomorrow, when there’s not so much emotion. I don’t want to yell.”
Lauren is stumped. If there’s no yelling, where’s the passion? If there’s no drama, where’s the love?
I assure her that happily-ever-after is in the calm. It’s cozy and safe there, when someone loves you like Jesus. Relationships become relaxed, real, reliable. And passionate, too. There’s nothing like love fueled by God’s grace. Reminds me of a cozy, familiar passage:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; Love does not brag and is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly. Love does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
For now, Lauren is sorting this out. Maybe it’s time for a change. Maybe mature, Godly love—the steady and respectful kind—is right in front of her nose. And maybe she’s ready. Come to think of it, Daniel sure is nice.
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