Connecting the boy dots

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about boys. To be perfectly honest, they frustrate me. 😦 Well, maybe not boys, exactly, but young women’s struggles with them. Over and over my heart breaks when a sweet, love-starved girl settles for a disrespectful guy. Or when a teen with no boyfriend disrespects herself for male attention. And what about the ladies who’d rather be single than compromise? Impressive, but they’re sometimes depressed without Prince Charming. SO not the Father’s plan. Frustrating.

Which leads me to some questions about God and boys. Maybe you’ve thought about them, too. Maybe you haven’t. The thing is, we all face these situations in one way or another. And how we respond takes us down a beautifully planned path or a disillusioned one. Where is your heart when it comes to the God/boy connection?

If you’re feeling brave, ask your true self—that vulnerable girl buried down deep—where you stand on the following issues:

When it comes to dating and boys…

  • How is your closeness with God affected by your boyfriend’s closeness with God?
  • Is your passion to love/know God greater than your desire to love/know a boy?
  • Are you asking God to fix an ungodly relationship He never intended for you to have?
  • Do you see God’s boundaries for dating as loving protection or suffocating restriction?
  • Would you leave a guy who compromised your Godly worth? Even if you loved him?
  • If being single is God’s plan for you right now, are you okay with this?

These are tough dilemmas, especially when you’re expected to want/get/keep a guy. Please hear me, though: When you’re dating, it’s okay to walk away when Prince Not-So-Charming-Anymore appears. It’s better to be alone than settle for a guy who is immature, inconsiderate, or distant. Or controlling and dishonest. Or worldly, not Godly. Remember who are you, sweet Jesus follower: A worthy daughter with huge potential, Holy Spirit wisdom, and high, high (Did I mention HIGH?) standards.

And to all the single ladies (No worries, I promise not to channel my inner Beyonce): Please don’t equate self-worth with relationship status. Being single doesn’t mean you’re ugly, weird or ignored anymore than having a boyfriend means you’re pretty, normal or loved. I’ve seen plenty of awesome girls thrive without a guy. And I’ve counseled plenty of girls who drown with one. If you are alone because God planned it this way, OWN IT! He is smiling on you.

Wherever you fit on the dating spectrum, let me ask you this: Does the idea of a boyfriend draw you closer to the Father or farther from Him? The Bible is clear that whatever (or whoever) takes the focus off God has to go. If it’s boy craziness, then priorities must shift. If it’s loneliness, then perspectives must change. If it’s disobedience, then hearts must repent. It’s all connected, you know: What we think, we become. And I want you, with all my being, to become a joyful, confident, devoted daughter.

So here is the truth, one that begs to plant itself down deep: The most fulfilling relationship you’ll ever have is the one with your Heavenly Father. He wants to be the great love of your life! He will never abuse you, betray you, or leave you. He will always forgive you, understand you, and celebrate you. And when you’re connected with Him, everything else—boy or no boy—falls perfectly into place. HE is enough. He IS enough. He is ENOUGH.


[Jesus said] “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:9-11).


3 thoughts on “Connecting the boy dots

  1. Kelly says:

    I love the posts on dating. I know I am now past this stage because I found my Prince Charming, but the things you say still remind me of the boys I left behind in my life and how I used to feel. And while I didn’t understand it at the time, there was a greater light at the end of my tunnel (in terms of dating of course). Well said Ava! 🙂

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