The list

Do you have a list of qualities you’re looking for in a guy? (Is looking for a guy even on your radar? If not, then good for you! Believe me, there’s plenty of time and plenty of plans that don’t require boyfriends.) Wherever you are in the quest for love, it’s important to know what you want BEFORE a certain boy catches your eye. So let’s try a quick list of traits that you, precious daughter of King Jesus, require:

1) He must love God with all his heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37-39). This means the guy you date is CRAZY about his Lord, not just a church member who attends out of habit. Or because you beg him to go. This guy is a believer who is growing in his faith. He hates sin and loves the light.

2) He must respect the heck out of you (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This means he’ll treat you so well that jealousy, guilt, or deceit won’t enter the picture. After hanging out with this guy, your conscience will be clear. You’ll feel good about yourself and about your relationship with God. Basically, your love life will be beautifully drama-free. And healthy.

3) He will care about others (1 Corinthians 12:25-27). You’ll see it when he speaks about his mom or notices a lonely person. If there’s a mission project, the thought of reaching out inspires him. You won’t see selfishness dominating his time or energy. This is a guy who takes the life of Jesus seriously and tries to model it in his own.

4) He will work hard (2 Thessalonians 3:7-12). Whether we modern girls like it or not, God designed men to provide, protect, and lead. He must be motivated to work for God’s best, not only for himself but also for his family. (I know, you’re probably not ready for marriage yet, but even when dating, look for signs that show some get-up-and-go.)

5) He must be okay with or without you (Philippians 4:11). “What?” you might be thinking. “I want a boy who desperately needs me!” Trust me, you don’t. God’s guy for you has other friends, interests, responsibilities, and spiritual gifts. He is well-rounded, confident, and while you are important, his sole source of joy has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his walk with the Father.

You might be wondering if a boy like this exists. The answer is “yes,” but you’re right: They are rare. (Probably as rare as finding a Godly girl, huh?) That’s why it’s so important to let the list guide you, not loneliness or insecurity; it’s a dangerous and heartbreaking place, settling for less. And what’s the worst case scenario, keeping those standards high? Well, you might not date for awhile, but remember: It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with holding out for God’s best. By the way, the list above? It worked for me. 🙂

Seventeen years ago, I married a man who met all these criteria. He still does. Get this, though: Bill didn’t come into my life until I was twenty-eight years old, a woman living on my own and wondering if and when THE ONE would come my way. He was worth the wait. God knows what He’s doing, ladies. His “pickiness” is your protection. And purpose. And your very own “happily ever after.”

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5 thoughts on “The list

  1. Leah Taylor says:

    Ava i love this. So very precious and what a great encouragement to women of all ages! Your paragraph reposted below is just beautiful and inspiring!

    Seventeen years ago, I married a man who met all these criteria. He still does. Get this, though: Bill didn’t come into my life until I was twenty-eight years old, a woman living on my own and wondering if and when THE ONE would come my way. He was worth the wait. God knows what He’s doing, ladies. His “pickiness” is your protection. And purpose. And your very own “happily ever after.”

  2. Jordan Smith says:

    Mrs. Ava, i needed this. Point number five applies to us as well. We, as godly women, should not look to guys to be our everything. God is our everything. i pray that i am completely surrendered to God before He brings me “the one,” if there is one planned for me.

  3. Tiffani says:

    Ava, this is so good. Praise God for the work he is doing through you for young girls. This stuff is the truth, and it is so rarely said. These are the kinds of things I wish young girls knew, but I can never quite put it into words. You did so beautifully. And praise the Lord for how he is still working through your story of meeting Mr. Bill even though it was seventeen years ago! What an encouraging testimony He has given you.

  4. Kelly Sunday says:

    Ava, I absolutely love this! Just reading over this makes me even more realize that I am with the perfect match that God could put me with. Brett (Bill’s son) truly upholds these values and even some that are not on this list. This week my students got the “chastity” speech and it was so well presented. The speaker tolds my students (and of course I was listening) that men need to find and treat that special woman, not as a object, but as the princess that she is and nothing less. So often in speaking with girls my age (I am now 23 to those reading this), we end up “giving up” on finding that true love especially when all of our friends start to get engaged/married. It seems like that moment we give up on love, God opens the door and shows you why you waited for that special someone. Who knows, they could have been under your nose the entire time ;).

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