What’s wrong with me?

Why don’t guys notice me, Lord? It’s not that they run when I’m near; they simply look right past my face, as if I’m invisible. And this hurts, mostly because it doesn’t make sense. I mean, I’m not unattractive, although there are plenty of things I’d change (We won’t go into that now; the list is quite long). I could be more outgoing, but as far as I know, no one calls me a social misfit. So what’s wrong with me?

I realize, Father, that this is silly compared to world hunger, but it’s heavy on my heart. My friends have boyfriends, and while they’re out having fun, I’m stuck at home. Maybe I should forget about guys and write sad poetry about lonely hearts. Or start a club for future old maids. Or mourn my grandchildren who will never be. Oh, God, I am complaining like crazy, and for that I’m sorry; it’s just that my self-esteem is crushed, and I feel like a hopeless freak who’s missing out!

But I’m not hopeless, am I? Your Word reminds me where to focus when things look dismal: “But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you” (Psalm 39:7). And that’s exactly what I need to hear. You’ve drawn me a plan. You’ve molded my future. And you, Heavenly Father, can use this uncomfortable time to teach me about your unchanging, satisfying love. Teach me. Show me. Wrap your arms around my sad little self and assure me of your hope.

I’m not a freak, either, Lord. We’re created in the same image, and “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Who cares if the boys haven’t noticed your awesome handiwork! To tell you the truth, I’d rather hold out for someone who’ll recognize and appreciate the Jesus in me. This whole flirting business—the revealing clothes, suggestive jokes, and compromising situations—just isn’t me (or you). So for now, God, it’s just us, Holy Father and adoring daughter.

And Lord, even though I’m single, I am NOT missing out. Help me understand that I’m currently unattached for a particular reason—a perfectly good one. Thank you for seeing what I need right now. Thank you for protection from possible heartbreak, mistakes, or regrets. Thank you that while others are distracted, I am clinging closely to you, knowing you better with each passing weekend. And even though date night might be uneventful (for now), I’m trusting that you will be enough: “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14). Joy, joy, joy! That’s me, God, on Fridays and Saturdays, and all the days that I am yours–single or not, loved by my Father for always.

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2 thoughts on “What’s wrong with me?

  1. Jordan Smith says:

    once again Mrs. Ava, the LORD gave you telepathic skills to listen in on my conversations with Him lately. but, oh, what a joy it is to know only He satisfies! no man, on any commitment level, could ever love us the way our Bridegroom loves us.

    i was listening to a sermon recently and the guy said marriage is just another way God chooses to sanctify us. that’s when the light bulb went off! “oh! now it makes sense why it’s such a gift!” this was literally my meditation for days. and now the LORD is teaching me about complete satisfaction in Him. while there are definitely a couple guys i would have a hard time turning down should they show interest, i am glad the LORD has me singe right now. i would not be learning from Him in the ways i am right now.

    thanks, as always for letting God use you to speak!

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